Greetings from my couch. Seriously, I’ve had a busy day driving in the car and driving mum up the wall..apparently. I have invented a new set of road rules for dogs of action to live by…

• Bark at anything that moves. 5 points if it runs.
• Run from one side of the back seat to the other, 2 points if you can push the other dog off the seat.
• Running only works if you are not strapped in, lose 3 points if buckled up.
• Try to get into the front passenger seat for 3 points, 10 if succeed in sitting on Mum’s lap.
• Try to look extra cute at the drive through and wag your tail. 5 points if you get a freebie.
• Cry pathetically when you see a park. 15 points if Mum stops the car and you manage to escape and find something good to roll in before you get caught.
• Perfect that sorrowful look when yelled at for another 10 points.

Greetings fellow foot-warmers. Another day has passed and I have only been chastised twice. Well..yelled at and stuck outside and yelled at again when I tried to sneak in the doggy-door – which I don’t understand. Why leave the doggy-door open if you don’t want me to come back in? It’s for me isn’t it?

Mum took me to a doggy obedience class yesterday. Mum learned how to walk in a straight line and get me to sit. I didn’t learn much though. I learned that barking constantly at the other fur-balls and getting a free liver treat to shut me up is fun. I hope we go back again next week.

Greetings fellow ankle agitators. I’m once again in the doggy-doo for my questionable behaviour. Personally I don’t know what the problem is, whats questionable about a ripped up newspaper on the kitchen floor? It was there, I found it and ripped it. I was bored. Easy.

I’m prone to boredom. I’m an active agitator. I like to be doing things and be a part of the team. Most of all I love to be around people. I’m a people pooch. I’ll warm your slippers all winter, just as long as your feet are in them. When Mum and Dad go out, it’s a disaster! What’ll I do! Where you going? Are you EVER coming back? It’s a doggy nerve-wracking, spine-tingling rollercoaster. And you think I’m having FUN? I’m having a nervous breakdown! So what about a few newspapers, what about ME! I need to be entertained too. If I can’t come with you (which would be preferrable) then at least give me some options. I’m an intelligent (Mum calls me a smart …..) and thinking individual fur-ball.

Mum’s been reading books again. She says that I need to be ‘socialised’ or whatever. One can only hypothesize about this. I hope it doesn’t hurt.

Today I’m speaking to you from under the bed, where I’ve been hiding out for the last hour or two to avoid the ‘big white tub’. I’ve discovered that after the first experience, while unique and at first interesting, quickly becomes a nightmare of epic proportions (according to MY world anyway) as that wet stuff invades every part of my doggy being. I’m far from impressed, and can’t understand why Mum is so intent on getting some of that lovely brown stuff that smells so fine that I found in the front yard, off my person.

Mum read somewhere that playing some nice soothing music is supposed to be good for calming the nervy furry individual before and during a bath session. I would personally recommend good water temperature, ie not sub-zero or hotter than hades, if you please. Water in the eyes and ears is also not a good thing, as I panic a lot more and then everybody is screaming, as I climb all over them and make my escape out the back door.

Greetings fellow paw-pals. Today I’m once again a whisker away from the dog-house as I try to negotiate the do’s and dont’s of the human/doggy art of interaction and negotiation. Interaction being my part in chewing up mum’s favourite leather sandles and a lot of yelling, and negotiation as mum tries to coax me out from under the lounge. Let me tell you…liver treats DO NOT work when you are in fear of your tail being chewed off. Mum’s been consulting doggy behaviour books on my attitude, which tell her that giving me access to her shoes and giving me an old one to chew on to keep me away from her sandles is a BIG mistake!! I couldn’t agree more. Every shoe is now fair game and I’m having a ball

Greetings, fellow armchair accessories and advisors. My advice for the day is to get in early for those extra pats, as there may be a short-fall sometime in the near future based on cause and effect. The cause being me and my attitude and the effect on mum’s mood at the time. No amount of carpet crawling and cute rolls around the lounge room can make up for a shredded leg on a period piece of furniture. Get those paws ready to vote on how many days I can behave for until the novelty wears off….